Here at Qabick Cents, I’m a Sports Columnist. I talk about any and every sport without bias or prejudice. The reason being is because there are way too many sports’ talking heads, always arguing about or demeaning some professional athlete. It just has become too much, so, I try to be that calm in that tempestuous sea of opinion; but the topic I want to tackle in this column is about romantic relationships and how we, as men, have just done women and ourselves a disservice.
Notice I said “we” because I don’t feel I have exactly been the best or most shining example as a man, much less a Black man. Notice I said the word man. Some of us are born males but that doesn’t make you a man. I have always felt that a man’s only purpose is to provide, protect, and support women. In turn, when women feel safe, secure, and protected, then they will be more apt to love and respect us. All of this cause and effect is what leads to a romantic relationship. My belief is that a romantic relationship only occurs when two complete strangers are willing to compromise the selfish parts of themselves to achieve a loving partnership that can possibly last the test of time.
Now, you might read this and say,
“But Junius, this sounds so serious and not every relationship is meant to end in marriage. And, why is it all on men to uphold all the standards in the relationship? Don’t women have any responsibility in a relationship to be great partners as well?”
First of all, let me address that first statement in quotes. Not every relationship is meant to end in marriage or be serious. That is where communication comes in and, as men, we have failed. We don’t talk to women. We talk to get sex, but we don’t talk to get in a woman’s soul. A simple question such as “Where is this going?” or “Is this a serious commitment?” goes a long way to defining boundaries and making sure each party has clear intentions and no miscommunications.
Second, why is it all up to men? What are women’s responsibility in a relationship? Both excellent questions!!! I’m a Christian and, according to the Bible, the man is the head and center of everything, but you don’t have to have the same beliefs as me. What I have learned in being male 37 years on Earth is that a woman LOVES LOVES LOVES it when a man is decisive, takes charge, and has her best interests at heart. Also, as men we LOVE LOVE LOVE when are thought of and treated as “The Man.” It not only is an ego boost, but, it lets us flourish and get comfortable in that role, which in turn makes the relationship flow smoother; but in order for all this to work, it took women to facilitate this.
Once we, as men, have provided this safe space to be trusted, women have the responsibility to reciprocate with love, affection, and respect. Where have we gone wrong as men so that romantic relationships fail or women not even want to entertain the thought? Or why has there even been a death of sorts in romantic relationships? Wonderful question and here is the problems and the remedy. As men, we have not been the leaders we are supposed to be. We have not been decisive or had our romantic partners’ back the way we should have. I mean this and I need men to hear this. Once you have committed to a woman, whether it is marriage, a steady girlfriend, or fatherhood (of which I am not one), you must be 100% honest and transparent. There can be no infidelity, miscommunication, or just absenteeism. You cannot be unfocused or trying to find where you are going to be physically pleased. It has to be a connection to that person once you have made that adult decision of being committed to one woman.
As men, we have to do better because little boys growing up have to understand that girls and women are this world’s most precious resource and must protected, provided, and cared for because romantic relationships will die and there will be no hope for the future.
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